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Loading ...Stay friends with ex, keep trying or leave her completely? I need your honesty.?
K so here’s a little background.
About 5 months ago i met this amazing girl. We were a perfect match it was as if we were uncontrollably drawn to each other from day1 and we wouldn’t allow ourselves to believe it. Our friendship is beyond friends the level of trust was out of this world. We were either with each other or talking with each other all day and all night like literally we were each others sleep, sometimes i would notice the sun was about to come up when we forced each other to hang up the phone and we’d wake up a like 2 or 3 hours later to see each other at school (we attend the same university and we’re both engineers). She was the one constantly pushing for a relationship to the next level and from the beginning she showed most of the interest. You can bet it wasn’t long before we fell deeply in love and believe me we fell hard or at least I did. It was a very eventful relationship put it that way it’s inevitable with relationships at school. Words cannot and no matter how advanced the English language ever becomes it will not be able to explain how devoted my heart was to her nothing in my insignificant, short life felt like it could be placed above her, and she showed the same if not even more affection back. So shoot me if I treated her like the gold she deserved to be treated like, I couldn’t control my self and the sweet man that I am would come out 24/7. The relationship was ideal and literally almost out of no-where it went sour and and suddenly it was over the dreaded day came. She told me she didn’t love me anymore and gave me some pretty sad excuses like i was too cocky. I’m a bit of an introvert and get enjoyment out of other people’s glory and no so much my own but I’m human and have goals and desires and achieving these does make me happy. My close friends and anyone who I mentioned this to seemed to always be shocked, someone even broke out in laughter. This obviously leads me to a conclusion that my being too cocky isn’t the reason (if you knew me you would agree without a doubt in your mind). A lot of time passes and she appears to show no remorse or sadness for the ended relationship. We have still remained the most important person in eachother’s lives. Not a day goes by where I don’t talk to her and since we go to the same school I see her everyday, we even hangout with every bit of free time we can manage to get. I and totally crushed, there are probably only a handful of movies that portray someone who has been depressed by a breakup as much as i was but I did my best to never show the person who hurt how much they did (I’m not ashamed I haven’t cried in maybe 15years until all this drama). Recently the topic was brought up. She sounds like she doesn’t have the slightest interest even as thought starting our relationship up again would be impossible (A truth that my heart cannot seem to absorb for some reason). I also find out the reason she wanted to end it was that I was too nice? I only became like this when i fell in love with her, it’s how I am, passionate affection sort of comes hand in hand with true love. Apparently that made her too happy (can anyone ever really be too happy). She must be looking for one of those relationships with a closest bulging with problems to make people feel important in their insignificant lives. But I think that’s dangerous, she’ll meet and get involved with all the wrong guys who lie and cheat. Who wont care for and and appreciate her the way I do, and not to mention understand her, she’s very mysterious and tough to crack but I know everything about her. This has left me with a sense of duty to save her from making this mistake and the grim prospect it will bring her. So yes I love her even after what she’s done to me I still feel she may be the love of my life.
So I have this dilemma now here are the obvious options i have. If you are reading this you must know that I’m very serious and I am eternally grateful for your patience.
1. I am a firm believer in following your heart and mine keeps telling to not give up. So i can keep trying to instill love into her heart once again.
2. We’re best friends regardless so I can just come to terms with reality and forget that kind of relationship with her and we’d end up being friend literally forever. She is so special to me.
3. This is the most dreaded option but in the worst case scenario It may be the healthiest for me. I may have to completely shed her from my life which, will be hard because she calls me pretty much everyday whether or not I actually see her that day. So doing this in a way that wont hurt her will be hard.
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Tags: 13 Responses to “Stay friends with ex, keep trying or leave her completely? I need your honesty.?”
Next time, write paragraphs, its hard to read and I am not going to attempt to read the whole thing. You can stay friend if you want, but from my experience, being friends doesn’t mean too much.
My girlfriend wanted to remain friends but it really doesn’t work…atleast for me.
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Just follow your heart and see what happens…but don’t get to clingy and want to always talk to her, just stay casual. And that was a REALLY long background
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She doesn’t seem to have regrets in ending it. You are still hooked on her but I advise you to move on. She obviously doesn’t feel the ‘soul mate’ thing you do.# 3 sorry guy, wake up and smell the coffee.
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Personally, i think that you should tell her straight out the way you feel, and how much she means to you.
you might want to take into consideration that it is possible to just fall our of love, and you need to be understanding. she could have personal problems, or maybe it just wasnt working for her.
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NO NO DONT SHED HER!!! NOO i would hate to be shedded! i guess if u REALLY need to then do what u have to but iif u CAN PLEASE try to stay friends. i would go for #2 if u try #1 and break up again… itll be bad again.. im sorry
good luck <3
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number 2…sometimes your exes can be the bestiest friends you will ever have in your life, I know this cause I have 2 lol but…it may seem weird at first but that will go away…. and you’ll remain friends, you won’t forget the way things were but you won’t feel weird about it.
my experience
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Dude, believe me i feel your pain, but you gotta let it go. Assuming that you keep hanging out with this girl and letting it eat at you then you’ll say something that only ends up pushing her away. Most people are lucky to even get this far but there are other people out there. i’m sure you heard that before and it sounds like bullshit but trust me. go find someone else. If it’s meant to be or whatever she’ll be back. let her see how she fucked up first.
my experience
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Can you say white night syndrome. Get a grip. be happy you have a friend. If it progress’s farther be grateful, if it doesn’t you still have a friend. Don’t impose your wants on to another person and expect it to work
my experience
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Hmm, wow. Fist, kudos for such an extended, thorough question-no sarcasm, really.
I say back off. I say let her come to you. I say she’s lying that she fell out of love with you, and her mysteriousness is what’s keeping from being happy. There’s something in her head that might be telling her she doesn’t deserve to be happy, so she saw things going so well that she messed them up by saying you’re “cocky”, and that was a good enough reason for her to be close to you, but not too close.
Again, she has a wall. Don’t use so much emotion to get to her. Don’t always be there for her. Be there, by all means, but don’t forget about you. Show her who you are, and what she’s missing out on. She calls with a problem, sorry, you’ve got some work to do here and there.
Let her know you’re there, let her know you care, and if you feel and believe with your heart, then awesome. Remember, actions speak louder than words. So show her you, speak for yourself, and allow her to open up…slowly, but surely.
If this repeats over and over again, you will go crazy. If that does happen, then move on. But this is the last thing you should be thinking about.
In time, dude, in time.
Hope this helped, and good luck!
my experience
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Rock, I have to tell you that as good as I ALWAYS am at giving advice on this sort of thing, I almost came up empty on this one. But the latter third of your diatrobe turned on that light bulb that is not always visible above my head, I’m sorry to say. You are really not going to like what I have to say, but I believe that you are interested in what is best rather than what “feels right”. You hit it right on the head with Option 3. Here is why:
You say that she told you she didn’t love you anymore. You are right about one thing – the flimsy reasons she gave you are just that. She doesn’t think you are too cocky. In fact, you said yourself that you didn’t come at her beckon call “until you fell in love with her”. Let me tell you what happened there. The challenge that used to naturally present itself went away; thus, she lost respect for you. Now, anyone who has had their heart broken and actually analyzed it can tell you that once respect is gone, so is the relationship. Rock, you can be friends if you want to, but remember that “friends” never get back together. In fact, getting back together is not an option here no matter what. You will always have that bitterness, that paranoia of “what if this happens again?”, and you will never fully come to terms with the hurt and confusion you feel right now even if you did get what you currently THINK you want.
You are very welcome for my patience in reading your rather lengthy story. I will do anything to help my fellow man to better himself. The question is, do YOU have the patience and discipline to cut her out? Remember, this girl looks like she should be on the cover of Cosmo, which can mean only one thing: SHE CAN HURT YOU BADLY. Look what it’s doing to you now. And you want to go back for another beating? Whether her friend or her lover, that is what would happen.
I know that this will be hard, but you HAVE to move on without her. It is the only way that you will truly heal. Otherwise, you are going into battle without having patched up your previously-uncared-for wounds. After all, would Hines Ward play in the Super Bowl with two broken legs? If you go with any option other than #3, that is more or less what you are doing. Stop the bleeding! I am confident that you are strong enough to push forward.
my experience
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Uh-oh… you became her Justin Case. You guys made the huge mistake of going in hot and heavy, which caused burnout. You changed, became more puppydog than she expected. Not many girls I know like puppydogs. The weird reasons for her breaking it off make me think that A) she found someone else she was interested in B) she just got bored C) she didn’t like how you were different. The fact that she still is interested in talking to you all the time is a sign that she’s keeping you around just-in-case. You’re her backup. The guy she’s not interested enough in to commit to, but the one she’ll run to when she needs to and then run off again because (I can tell by what you’ve said) you’ve made it clear that you’ll be there for her no matter what. She can break your heart, and you’ll be there. So she will. Any time she needs to. She is using you. Maybe not in a consciously mean way, but using you nonetheless. I’d back off. Don’t jump at your phone every time she calls. Let her leave a message and take your time getting back to her. When you run into her, make short, nice conversation and then a casual “well, see ya later..” smile and wave and walk off. YOU be the one to end a conversation. She may just come back to you, or if she doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. Some girls like to chase rather than BE chased. She might be one of them.
my experience
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No one really cares for a doormat. Even if it is done out of love. That’s one of the harsh realities of life. People are perverse like that. It’s human nature. The only way you will instill love into her heart is to totally believe that you don’t care one way or the other if she likes you. Date other girls, tell her about your adventures, and be a little harsh and teasing with her.. That might build her attraction to you. Otherwise, you have to realize that your willingness to be whatever she needs at the moment ultimately relegates you to the role of servant, not equal or lover.
my experience
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ok 1st of all, i am so touched by this all i was gonna cry, u are such a perfect person, i don’t beleive u actaully exist, i can give u advice! here are the options:
lsn, if u think u can tolerate all this then, u can guard for her, protect her from those low life cheating animals (men). but its not going to be easy knowing that you were once with her.
you could move on with your life and fnd some other girl tha really needs ur passion and protection. beacuse you can either wait and guard her all ur life but then you’ll put urslef out of ur life and only care fr her u know wat i mean. you have to get a life notdrown in hers.
wat i am saying is u can protect her and be friendz but at the same time remmeber to care about ur life too ok!
gd luck with all u do,
tracey! ;D
my experience
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