I am a teenage writer, and I’d like to know if this story is good enough to kill some time, or not. Feel free to be as harsh as you’d like. Please don’t say, “That’s good for a teenager.” Or anything similar to that. And if this is the worst piece of writing that you have ever read, please state why. Here I go… (by the way, part of this is also the beginning that some have already read, but the revised version)
Azure’s blade sang, responding to the wavering light of the rising moon. The sound crescendoed to a high-pitched pitiful shriek. Azure sheathed her black katana, taking care to not twist her wrist as she slipped it into the sheath across her back. Although Ashlyre was Azure’s sword, she had this hatred for moonlight and a peculiar love for cherry blossoms. Many, many times in the day, Azure wondered exactly how her blade happened to have likes and dislikes, since the katana was far from shy when it came to voicing her opinion.
The charcoal color of the shingles seemed to absorb the light, and as cheap and old as they were, it was a miracle that this house was still standing, complete. It stood out amongst the splintered, wooden, shacks that most of the population in western Kai Rae resided in like a dying flower peeking up above a sea of ash. This was what happened to a town when the King neglected the peasants, before long, the peasants turned into beggars, and the beggars, thieves, or assassins. Azure sat on the rooftop of this house, watching, waiting, for something, an angel, a faery, even a demon, to take her away from this misery, this desolation.
What she got instead was an irritating male human, one that seemed barely 17 at that. Even so, he was one of the best thieves out there, and occasionally, even he needed assistance. She knew who he was, although she was still unsure how he came to know about her.
“Have fun hunting?” a mocking voice that seemed to come from the shadows themselves asked.
“Do I look like I had fun?” Azure replied, irritated that Skyler knew about her unfortunate job as a thief. And sometimes, thieves had to get their hands dirty, like tonight…
“Not particularly, but then again, going after the night creatures is never all that interesting. Anyway, I’ve got a job for you.” Skyler said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.”
“How much?” Azure asked. It wasn’t worth her time and effort to go through a job if she was only getting a single gold penny. Or a loaf of bread disguised as a gold penny. Skyler had done that before, charmed a piece of freshly baked bread as gold. Azure finally figured it out when her blade hissed at the coin. Bread baked by Declan, the only baker in this side of town, was one of the things that her katana couldn’t stand. However, oddly enough, Ashlyre didn’t mind bread baked by anyone else. All Skyler had said when she confronted him about it was, “Well, you need to eat more.”
“You’ll get about 78 gold pennies if you do the job right.” Skyler said, seeming quite confident that she’d accept that large amount of money.
“Why such a strange number?” Azure asked, suspicious of him.
“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll take care of it. So do you want the job or not?”
“Yes, but,”
“Then that’s all you need to know.” Skyler said, cutting her off. He then vanished into his own shadows, blending in with the pure color of night.
Azure closed her own eyes then, remembering the beautiful color of his eyes, even in the night, the glacial blue shade of his eyes, illuminated by what seemed like pure light itself was like looking at her one chance at redemption. The fact that Skyler’s hair was also dyed black only helped to accentuate the color of his eyes, but sometimes, when Azure had eaten well, when she was her happiest, she would wonder about what color his hair really was, or how his eyes were so lovely, to an almost inhuman point. She would wonder how someone could be so perfect…because she knew the truth of perfect things…and how they were always rotten at the core.
Azure walked on the shingled rooftop, keeping her steps light, and carefully crawled into the little alcove that the odd architecture of the house had. It was where she slept at the moment, but she never stayed in one place for long. For safety reasons, she changed her sleeping spot every couple months. Sleeping in one spot for too long was like a sitting duck just waiting to be shot, not a good idea. Azure curled her body around the black backpack that contained her possessions protectively, and took off the sheath across her back, curling her body around that, as well. As for her katana, she kept her hand around the hilt, half of the blade in the sheath, and half revealed. It wouldn’t do Azure any good if she got cut by her own blade, nor would it do her any good to get attacked by anybody, and die.
When Azure woke up in the morning, she was safe, but she was trembling. She simply held up her arm, and saw that the trembling, wasn’t some minor thing, it was severe, n
By the way, sorry for wasting your time on my ridiculously long beginning of a story.
nothing she could hide any longer.
It was cold in Kai Rae, at least during these winter months. Kai Rae was in the eastern mainland of this strange dimension that she, along with so many others, lived in. This dimension wasn’t exactly “real”, although the people, the humans, were. If the dimension were to collapse, as it would one day, everyone would survive, and be automatically transported to the other side of the gate. No one knew exactly where the gate was, only that it existed. It was a one way gate, for people from the other side to come here. Not the other way around. It was said that these places, these names, even the races of people, were affected by people from the other side, perhaps some were even descendants of them.
This eastern mainland, for some unknown reason, was colder than anywhere else. Even the northern lands. For this odd reason, many outsiders died because of the devastatingly cold temperatures. However, if you were born here, you were more capable to withstand
the cold. The critical point was when you were of seven years old. If you could withstand seven years in the ice, you could survive the most terrible of frozen winds, anywhere. It was why many cruel mothers that wished for their children to become great and powerful left their children here. It was why so many died.
Azure herself was born here, and the cold still effected her a great deal. When it was past the point that she could withstand, she began shaking. If you had an unsteady hand, you were not capable of much. Losing fights was much easier when your hands were trembling. Stealing was impossible if you had an unsteady hand. How were you to pick locks if the pick itself fell out of your hands? How were you to not disturb even the tiniest mouse when you were shaking beyond control? What was a thief that couldn’t steal? Dead, was the only answer to that.
(story not anywhere NEAR finished)
****by the way, the katana, Ashlyre, IS sentient.
