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Another poem from the critic… take advantage of your turn?
6 Responses to Another poem from the critic… take advantage of your turn?
Oh, I like this. It trickles down.
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I sincerely like it. It reminds me of one of my favorite poems about dreams and love. I hope you dont mind me posting it.
I dreamed that you had ceased to love me –
not that you had come from other beds
back to mine, or gone from mine to others,
just that something in your heart had stopped.
I willed myself awake to find you still
beside me. It was just a dream. I thought,
yet when I turned to kiss you, in your eyes
I saw that you had ceased to love me.
I willed myself awake a second time
to find myself alone, as I have been
these many months, but did not know if it
was terror or relief I felt, and whether
dreams unfold the past or make the future
plain. I dreamed that you had ceased to love me,
and know when I see nothing in your eyes
I can’t dream myself awake a third time.
David Solway
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have fun cherishing this throughout your life
give a ‘”i have been there look ‘”
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I love it, beatiful, deep feelings and full of sentiments.
I have a few suggestions, small changes that keep your poem core intact but might enhance the way it trasmits it to the reader
see below:
His eyes entrance my young heart,
They’re enriching paths to incountable dreams.
Dreams which became my essense, my living.
Living fantasies, illusions and wishes.
Wishing it would end one day because,
It would have become my reality
Reality, that never became what I wanted
My heart is still enclosed in dreams.
Dreams of you.
Driffting through treasured memories of you,
tears streaming down my cheeks
Within each tear containing your name
My profound pain is remembered everytime,
I awake and know I can’t have you
Here I lay
Apart from my fantasies and desires
Apart from my ecstacy and joy
but dazed for losing my loved possesion,
My sweet dreams of you
I thought that some words were not neccessary to give the reader the same idea, but that just my opinion. good job and you are awesome writer too!
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Mr Russel sat on the trussel flogging with all his muscle
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I am a poet as well.
So I know good work when I see it.
I must say my dear you knocked this one out the park.
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